i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
