i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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