my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
