That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
