So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
