I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
