Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
