Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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