New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
