Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
