I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
