Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
