I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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