You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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