omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
