He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
