I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
