She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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