the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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