do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
