the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
