Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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