Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
