when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
