She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Such a big mess for such a small penis
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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