Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
