I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
