so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
