Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Houston, we have a blender
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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