Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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