I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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