I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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