I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
