Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
