Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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