smell my finger.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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