There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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