Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
