I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
