I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
