My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
