She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
