Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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