The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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