dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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