so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
