Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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