but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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