I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
