Apparently you make a good broom.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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