You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
